There is no denying the undertones that run throughout NCM where Lilah and Rob’s relationship is concerned. It is introduced in the first novel and is continued throughout each of their storylines. I have heard some complaints, such as, “Lilah doesn’t need to be a dominatrix to be able to control her team” or something along those lines. I think these individuals are missing the point. Lilah is a strong, independent woman. The fact that she happens to be a dominatrix is neither here nor there. The reason that she is able to be a successful and competent domme is the same reason she is able to be a successful and competent leader — she has a commanding but empathetic presence; she is good at reading people; she is intelligent; and she takes no shit from anyone. That isn’t to say that she wouldn’t be just as successful a leader if she had not chosen to become a dominatrix. These two things are mutually exclusive — to a point. The tactics she has learned in both lines of work have surely involved overlap. But just because Lilah Matthews is a dominatrix does not mean that is why she is Supervisory Special Agent over the violent crimes unit. That has never been my intention.
So for those of you who are new to some of the terms that are used regarding this lifestyle, how about I give a quick crash course? I’d hate to think your whole knowledge of BDSM might come from Fifty Shades of Grey. That just makes me sad and weep for the future (…I do not like Fifty Shades, if you had not gotten the gist).
The definitions given are in very simple terms. The truth is much more complex, but this is just in the interest of basic explanations. If anyone is ever interested in a more in-depth post, I will gladly do so.
Bondage – the act of physical restraint or immobilizing someone — tying them up, handcuffing them, etc.
Discipline – in essence, punishment. This could be physical punishment (spanking, whipping, etc.) or psychological punishment (e.g., humiliation).
Dominance – to dominant someone; this individual is often called a dominant or dom/domme. A dominatrix is a female dominant who is typically for hire
Submission – to submit to someone else; this individual is often called a submissive or sub
Sadism – to derive pleasure from inflicting pain on others
Masochism – to derive pleasure from having pain inflicted upon you
Some good resource websites:
NOTE: due to some of the graphics and images, some of these sites are NSFW, and are intended for individuals 18+.
http://clarissethorn.com/bdsm-resources/
http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html
https://bdsmfordummies.wordpress.com
Lilah is a sadist and a domme. She has been a dominatrix in the past, but since she’s been in Cleveland she has not had any client. Rob does not exactly count. Their relationship started off with more of a discipline aspect, with her even being his disciplinarian for a brief period of time. As their relationship has progressed, it has turned into much more of a D/s, or dominant/submissive, relationship. Rob has started discovering that he’s a masochist and being a sub has actually made him a better person. This has led to growth between the two characters and made their relationship blossom.
I am an erotica writer. I have been writing erotica for two or three years now. I enjoy writing about Lilah and Rob because it’s so normal; it ISN’T erotica. This is their lifestyle; this is who they are. If Rob is stressed, this is how he gets release. If he screws up, this is how he is held accountable. There’s pleasure and pain in it that seems like it shouldn’t belong in mainstream fiction; it seems as though this should be an erotica story because this breaks our idea of social norms. But why? These things happen. There are every day “normal” people walking around holding hands in the supermarket who are going to go home and engage in BDSM activity. Just because you think it only exists in porn and erotic stories does not mean that it isn’t happening in your neighborhood. It is a normal lifestyle, and that’s how I want to portray it.
The D/s relationship between Rob and Lilah is not going away any time soon. It will continue to evolve and expand and it will forever be a part of who
Crystal D. Budy's Writing Couch 